dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
