I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
