Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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