ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
