sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
