Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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