The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
