: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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