Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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