a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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