The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
