Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
