This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
