You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
be right there i have to get my cape
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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