he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
