grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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