His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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