I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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