I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
