My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
