Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
