you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
