sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish my penis had an off switch
the day after is always just damage control
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
