Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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