She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
