I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
