No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
