I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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