Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
