why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
