she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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