Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
