Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are two peas in an std pod
We just shotgunned beers for America
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
