i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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