he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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