how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
