I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're like the curious george of whores
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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