I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
