I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
