please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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