He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
