But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
