I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
