I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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