i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
