she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
