normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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