im holly from the hills drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
