Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This house was built for laser tag.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
