from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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