I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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