I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
