U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were trust falling into bushes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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