i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
