i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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