You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
