We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.