He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian