We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
