I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.