Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.