Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
