I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
